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Dearly Departed: A Conversation with Anu Lakhan
7 years ago
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Powers of ten, Part I
Could we be pressed to silence? Sweating in afternoon heat in the glare of a computer screen a fan is not enough a song is almost refreshing enough but then the cool dark of not-empty space calls me makes me realise that my questions my realities all wrap around and suck onto the edge of the grandest illusion that I am important. and all is not broke-en in-to TIME EMOTIONS BEA-UTY TRUTH STARS S T A R S ..............S T A R S..................
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Accustomed to Drought
My throat is dry...
Silence
then
comfort curling
ticking tapping at my keyboard-
You are not here so all I do is think and wonder
there are certain things I will never speak of when we are together
But behind a screen I will allow my mind to whisper,
teeter through to your eyes only
(thank-you technology)
and in nowhere we wage war for love
What it means and if it exists in either of us,
whether patience is criminal and worries are not
as absurd as they seem
but of course
they are
- is there no water? My skin is a mask of cracks.
In stasis do we pretend nonchalance?
As I observe new marks appear
and old ones fade
'No questions' keeps all the question marks green,
hidden in the dark and somehow damp
even my tears are solid salt crystals -
The sky is not yet overcast
silver linings are a myth in this place
I fear the price of waiting
sometimes
when it is silent
and help from my God feels just out of touch
My blood feels thicker, hardening in my veins
Will there be water soon? All I need is a single drop of rain.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Prose poem inspired by Death cab for cutie - Someday you will be loved
I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.
A petty handful of years in which we circled bad dreams that never occurred past common pretense. I met you in a far away place away from common sense and somehow, somewhere between not-looking and accidentally seeing too much of who you were not-hiding - Somehow I fell in love.
I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved
Dried petals still cling like memories to lies. I wonder why I never admitted nor relented. Everyone said we could not be together. But we were for eternal (invisible) moments.
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
I don't pretend to know who you are. Or why I like your smile so damned much. You are yourself most times. I hate the games we sometimes end up playing but I am yet to find someone that makes me feel or think like this. You are like me and not. I feel like being better because of you. Even the mean things you say make me laugh. But. You deserve someone...else, don't you?
You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved
If you feel like you are holding me back, or I you then the solution is distance across oceans and then some. Physically, metaphorically, anything to forget communication and the worrying of wonder-less mundane imperfections. Wear away at the world beneath the day and you will find another salt-soaked pillow. Another significant, symbol-attached knick-knack, phrase or ideology. Air gasped out between suppressed sobs. "You are never here" is a lie that can be a glorious truth someday.
You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
How much longer can I stay here? Passive, suppressed by gentle claws at my throat? I could escape again to a place without tears if I had the will. Still there would be traces of you. But then again that's all there ever are these days. Weeks go by and I am still refusing to see. Someday someone I love will love me, why couldn't that person be you?
If you were going to die in 24hrs what would you do?
As for myself, I could not do the one thing I wanted most -- be with you.
So what would I do?
I would spend a few hours with my family then walk out into the night as far as I could go
follow the hard familiar road
I would listen to a few songs from my favourite genres
rock, r&b, odissi, kuchipudi
I would listen to the world around me
there would be all sorts of silences depending on where I went
I would cry
softly maybe with a few tears too
I would pray
that each of us really do have souls
I would try to remember all the good times I had with everyone in my life.
you, my friends, my parents, my brother
At dawn I would turn around and start walking home
Hopefully I would make it back
And spend the last few hours alive with my family again:
We'd have time to watch at least two good movies
while enjoying a nice home-made pizza and some cooled tap-water in our favourite glasses/cups...
Could you tell me what you would do?
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
459
There is a God
for athiests
There is a Life
of normality
For the damaged
If I just stay with you
can we forget the world?
Your eyes are perfect,
I feel what you feel
I need to see you
to breathe you
every moment away
quiets my voice
to desperate whispers
I want you
I want you
silence to suffering
imagined insecurites
my steps to heaven are weary
soles sore slowly
sweetly crying to stop
but I will make my way to you
And with you
we will meet God
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Listen In
Play this song as you read :)
Music is a strong trigger for memories and emotions, the melody takes you by the ears and pulls you into a paradise or a hell, depending on the feelings being drawn out. Music is a release as well, a relaxant or a get-away if you will. For me it is one of my biggest inspirations. The following was inspired by the song you're listening to now -
You're beautiful
More than you believe
From the belly of your distrust
un-rust, wind back time
And un-know experience
Your pain
Is beautiful
Your smile
Is beautiful
Your laugh
Is beautiful
Take your devotion
they are your wings,
angel let your love flow
through me beautiful
harmony....
Lyrics, rhythm, musical harmony. It's an almost cosmic event that takes place to bring melody to fruition. It's something we take for granted, a process that nearly everyone except musicians and dancers themselves seem to ignore. What makes us like a song? Do we hear it repeatedly on the radio until we graze where we are tied like cows?
A song is something sacred to the person who enjoys it. For me, the music and the lyrics must have the same feel, we know what a sad vibration is even unconsciously we are able to discern this. For instance, there is a song called Break Even by The Script. The lyrics are heart-breaking yet the music and the singing itself - "I'm falling to pieces" may as well be "It's all sooo pretty!!!". I still like the song alot, the lyrics more than anything else had won me over. Conversely, the second I hear the intro for any Red Rat, Lady Saw or Beenie Man chune the air around me gets a little...err...heated. However the same does not apply for the 'clarks song'. Is it simply proof that people really don't care what they gyrate to that this song topped the local charts? :S
I sometimes feel brainwashed by radio, I forget sometimes all the great music I can find on youtube by randomly typing a sentence or a word, like this song from the Indian film EMI. I can't remember what I typed to get this song, but I love it. The lyrics are along the lines of becoming speechless when near the one you love, and wishing time would stop so that the embrace you share would never end...awwww!
Moral of the lesson kids - don't let someone else dictate your preferences, music is something precious and a part of you(if not the whole of you) is aware of that. Listen around, decide on what suits you, not what you can be made to suit. Don't allow yourself to be put out to pasture!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Thoughts in a Suspended Moment
The following poem was written not too long aback when I received a text message that contained a phone number and instructions to call it, that the person who I would be calling liked me.
I sometimes like to use melodies from songs and lines from them to assist in my writing process, this is one such poem, the name of the song is Shameful Metaphors by Chevelle. It's a beautiful song, I posted it at the end of the poem so you can take a listen while you read if you like.
~*~
why has my life made no sound? --Shameful Metaphors -- Chevelle
I feel my voice dying
words turning to whispers and nothing
the greatest offense you could perform
I fear your eyes closing
pass me off on someone else
because you can do better
or I can do better
or
or we can each love another
not each other.
If I cannot love you
then who?
I see God in you
I see the devil
I see myself in you
I see defied potentials
are we defying our potential?
I hate that word but is my pride, my twisted logic
an obstruction
or are you just an asshole?
even now
...
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